Beavis and Butthead Do Crush Crush
by kirby65422
Summary: One day, Beavis and Butthead accidentally injure a girl in a hurry. What ensues is a series of girl after girl meeting the duo, getting to know them, and ultimately, getting to score with them. Rated T for language, suggestive content, and some violence. (Beavis x Harem; Butthead x Harem)
1. A New Beginning

(cue the Beavis & Butthead intro)

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD DO CRUSH CRUSH

In a place in America called Highland, there lived two teens in a rundown house by the names of Beavis and Butthead.

The duo were currently watching TV as always. And...

"This sucks!" Butthead promptly changed the channel as Beavis exclaimed. "This sucks!" The duo did it again. "This sucks!" And again.

"Damnit, there's nothing good on TV anymore!" Butthead cried foul. "Yeah! All they're showing is Teen Titans Go!, music videos that suck, and the Kardashians! I'm so sick of it!" Beavis added.

Knocking on their door was heard. "Go get it, Beavis." Butthead simply said. "Why me? Why not you?" Beavis replied. "Because I said so!" Butthead smacked Beavis on the face to prove his point. "Dumbass..."

And so, Beavis got the door. "Hi, can I help you?" In front of him was a rather lovely looking woman with ginger hair. "Please tell me ye lads paid the rent this time..." The woman spoke up with a Scottish accent. "HEY, BUTTHEAD! IT'S THAT CHICK! WE'RE GONNA SCORE!" Beavis shouted excitedly.

Butthead's eyes widened. "COOL! Move out of the way, bungwipe!" The brace-face violently shoved the blonde out of the way as he attempted to woo her. "Hey, baby. I'm Butthead."

The woman shook her head in disbelief. "I expected as much." She then pinched the bridge of her nose as she made her way to warn the duo. "I'm tellin' ye lads. If ye don't do somethin' about this place, ye can kiss your house goodbye." The woman gave the two a cold glare as she stepped out.

Beavis and Butthead simply stared blankly at the woman. "Uh, okay." Beavis suddenly remembered something. "Hey, Butthead! Check this out!" Beavis pulled out what appeared to be a credit card. "WHOA! MR. ANDERSEN'S CREDIT CARD! WHERE'D YOU GET IT, BEAVIS!?"

"I found it lying at his shed!" Beavis replied as he got out a lighter and set it. "Let's burn it!" The blonde said as he put the card next to the lighter as to which Butthead snatched away. "AH!" Beavis cried as his hand got singed. "Don't do that, dumbass! You can buy stuff with these! You can like, go on flights, purchase houses, buy cars, and stuff!" Beavis smiled then. "You mean like, guns and beer?" "Totally!" Butthead giddily replied. "We're there, dude!"

Beavis and Butthead chanted Black Sabbath as they exited the house, intending on going to the mall to buy guns and beer. What would ensue next would change the duo's lives forever.

Apparently, it didn't last long until a fight had broken out between the two over which was cooler; AC DC or METALLICA. "Take that back, fartknocker!" Butthead said as he launched a punch at Beavis. "DON'T CALL ME A FARTKNOCKER, BUTTHOLE!" Beavis charged at Butthead, who dodged, not realizing there was somebody who was in a hurry heading towards them.

"Out of the way, out of the-" The person didn't get much of a chance as she got knocked out by Beavis charging at her by accident, causing her to hit a telephone pole.

Beavis and Butthead stared down at the girl whom Beavis had unintentionally beaten. "Now look what you did!" Butthead pointed accusingly at Beavis. Beavis then noticed a phone besides the girl. "Urm, what number do you dial for 9-1-1?" Beavis asked as he picked up the phone and turned it on. "Uh, I don't know. 9-1-1 maybe?"

-One quick call later-

Beavis and Butthead waited by the sidewalk until the ambulance came and picked the unconscious girl up, carrying her away to the hospital. "You know, I feel really bad." Beavis said. "Yeah. You should be." Butthead laughed. He then remembered something else. "Damnit! I just remembered now!" "Remember what, Butthead?" "We're supposed to like, go to work!" "That sucks!" And so, the duo went back home to get changed for another day at Burger World.

When they got home, however, they found somebody locked them out. "Uh, I think we're like, locked out or something." "There's a reason for that, lads..." The duo turned around and saw the ginger haired woman from earlier giving them a cold stare. "Hey, it's that chick from earlier!" "So, baby! Come back crawling to me?" The woman scoffed. "I wish I was!" She exclaimed sarcastically. "Look at these!" She shoved a piece of paper into the duo's hands. "Look at all this money ye bloody owe us!"

Of course, the duo couldn't read so they couldn't answer that part. "What does that mean?" "I'll give ye beasties a quick hint. Ye don't have enough money ta even tend ta yer houses, let alone look after yourselves!" The duo simply stared blankly. "Don't worry about your clothing though." The woman handed the duo's Burger World outfits. "Even though we're reclaimin' this dump, I'm kind enough to let ye keep this for your job."

"Uh, when do we score now?" Butthead asked. "I'll let ye answer that one when I become your lover." The girl sarcastically replied as she left.

"What do we do now?" Beavis asked. "I can't believe I'm saying this, Beavis, but we'll have to live at Stewart's house now." "Really? That sucks! Even more than having to go to work!"

And so, they went to Stewart's...

"Whoa! They evicted you!" Stewart asked, feeling completely sorry for the duo. "I'm so sorry! I'll let you stay at my house and maybe we'll become even closer friends than before!" Beavis and Butthead rolled their eyes. "That's nice and all, but we have work." Beavis said as he got his outfit on. "Besides, we have some chick in the hospital we have to visit." Butthead added.

And after a long day of work...

"Work sucks!" Beavis said as he and Butthead made their way to the hospital. "Look on the bright side, Beavis. At least we made the most out of it." Butthead said rather nonchalantly. "Oh yeah! Like when I gave that dude mouse burger and french flies!?" Butthead laughed at the memory. "Yeah. That was pretty cool." Both of them snickered as they made their way to where they assumed the girl was.

And by chance, the girl was inside. She woke up and caught sight of the duo. And boy, was she not happy.

"Oh. It's you two. What the hell do you two want?" The girl spoke up, rather rudely and tone full of venom.

Beavis and Butthead sweated as they stared at each other and then back at her.

Silence filled the air for a moment.

Then, Butthead spoke up.

"Uh, me and Beavis are sorry..."


	2. Enter Cassie

"You're sorry?" The girl said as her cold glare at the two hardened. "Is that all you two have to say for yourselves?" Beavis and Butthead only anxiously glanced at each other before they could continue trying to defuse the situation.

"Um, you have nice boobs." Beavis said, pointing out the girl's hospital gown exposing her. "Oh good. I was hoping my breasts would be seen by perfect strangers today. Check mark that fucking box..." The girl sarcastically quipped. "Uh, are you okay?" Butthead asked. "Oh, don't even worry about it! I'm doing GREAT! Peachy keen jelly bean!"

The duo started to smile in relief before the girl continued. "Oh wait, no, I LOOK LIKE A TOILET PAPER PIRATE!" The girl bellowed in pure fury as the two jumped back. The girl seemed to have noticed the two shaking as she continued snarking. "Hey, bozos! Why don't you two take a better look at me? You might even see my dignity somewhere in there!"

Beavis and Butthead could only glance at each other when Butthead put a wad of dollar bills on the girl's desk. "We have like, money for your medical bills or whatever you call them..." "Trying to butter me up, huh?" The girl sneered at the duo. "Well it ain't gonna work! When I get outta this cast, you two better own some running shoes!"

Beavis and Butthead backed up a bit, intimidated by the threat. "Oh, what's with the scared looks? Too scared a helpless little girl like me could more than likely kick your ass at any moment?" The two faltered at this and took a little offense to that remark. "Uh, we're like, trying to help you and you're treating us like crap!"

"Can you really blame me?" The girl glared. "After all, one of you beat me against a pole like a dog!" Beavis nervously chuckled at that memory. "Erm, it was an accident! It won't happen again!" And with that, the duo left, leaving the girl to wallow in her own misery. "The nerve of those two morons! Sending me here and they have the nerve to show their ugly mugs around my face at my worst!" The girl scoffed as her nurse came in...

Finally, Beavis and Butthead were outside the hospital, contemplating the situation. "That chick, like, hates us." "Yeah, ermheh! What do we do?" "Uh, I don't know..." Before the duo could say anything else, a bright glow appeared in front of the duo and eventually revealed itself to be a tiny cupid-like fairy. More silence ensued until...

"Uh, who and what the hell are you?" Butthead pointed at the little fairy who giggled in response. "I'm Q-Piddy, matchmaking extraordinaire!" "Erm, what now?" Beavis simply said, confused. "Believe it or not, today's your lucky day!" Beavis and Butthead's eyes widen. "WHOA! You mean today's the day we can finally get some guns!? "Yeah, yeah, yeah! I wanna burn stuff! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" The fairy only shook her head. "No, I mean, I saw what happened earlier at the park! You really knocked that girl out good!"

"Oh..." Beavis and Butthead paled, evidently thinking this fairy was about to condemn the duo and drag them to Hell. Before things could escalate, Q-Piddy simply reassured the duo. "Oh, don't worry! I'm not going to hurt you! I'm gonna help you get a date with that girl!" The duo now lightened up. "WHOA! You mean we're finally gonna score!?" Beavis excitedly shouted. "I've been waiting for this since the very first time I saw porn!" Butthead laughed as the duo chanted. "So, tell us how we can get that girl to stop hating us so we can score?" Butthead then requested from Q-Piddy.

"Oh, that! Well, that girl's name was Cassie. She doesn't really have health insurance so she needs to pay her medical bills but, I see you two already paid her bills, so maybe, JUST maybe, she'll befriend you and you can work your way up from there!" Beavis and Butthead smiled at each other. "We're there, dude!" The two hi-fived each other as the fairy disappeared before...

-SMACK!- -BASH!-

"Ow! "Ugh!" "THAT was for beating me up earlier!" Beavis and Butthead rubbed their heads as they turned to look at Cassie, good as new with arms crossing as she gave the two a cold stare. "Uh, so, uh, Cassie, was it? How the hell are you already out?" Cassie then turned away. "Look, don't ask me! I'm not the one writing this stupid fanfiction!" "Erm, how are you doing?" Beavis then asked. "Oh, other than the fact that I'm still pretty pissed at you, I'm actually quite fine-hey, wait! How did you know my name!?"

Beavis and Butthead glanced at each other nervously, trying to come up with a believable answer for Cassie, because, let's face it, a love fairy told you a girl's name just won't work, dumbasses. "Never mind, I'm still a bit sore from that injury, and I don't feel like hurting my hands hitting you two bozos." The duo sighed in relief.

"Anyways, I'm actually feeling a bit grateful right now, since you did pay my bills for me, but where did you even get it? Your dad's vacation savings?" Beavis and Butthead only furrowed their eyebrows. "Uh, we have jobs you know!" Butthead said. "Yeah! And we don't even know who our dads are!" Beavis added.

Cassie stammered a little before shaking her head. "Well look at Old Moneybags here, it's the least you could've done after running me down like a dog!" Cassie and the duo parted ways. "I think this could be the start of something great, Beavis!" Butthead said, excited that he was gonna finally score, even if it means having to get on the good side of that crabby girl. "YEAH! WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SCORE!" Beavis shouted. Cassie, meanwhile, was having a moment of pondering. 'Alright, so I'll admit, their dads aren't around to help them around, but that still doesn't excuse the fact that they beat me up!'

Cassie shook her head as she headed off into the sunset. "Oh well, maybe next day won't be so shitty. I won't have to see their ugly mugs and I can go idiot-free."


	3. Getting To Know Each Other

-7:00 A.M.-

Beavis and Butthead were fast asleep at Stewart's place. He explained to his parents about the whole situation and although they were VERY reluctant to let the two trouble-makers in their household, but their son begged them to let them stay. And so, our story continues as a tiny fairy hovers above the duo, holding an alarm clock in her hands.

-RING!- -RING!- -RING!-

The two jolted awake to see the fairy in their presence. "Rise and shine, sleepyheads! It's time for a brand new day!" Beavis and Butthead simply glared at Q-Piddy with tired expressions. "Mrmmm... Damnit, I was gonna burn down that house... Egh..." Beavis shook his head. "Uh, I was gonna score with that chick you told us about..." Butthead said as he rubbed his eyes. Q-Piddy merely giggled in response. "I see you two still want Cassie, eh?"

The two teens simply gave deadpan looks. "What the hell do you think?" Butthead lashed out as his fists clenched. "But why do you have to wake us up so early in the morning?" Beavis added. Q-Piddy simply took out the duo's outfits. "Because today, you have work to do!" "Can you, like, at least give us time for ourselves?"

"Beavis! Butthead! I didn't know you two were awake at this time!" Beavis and Butthead turned to look at Stewart, holding two plates of hash browns, eggs, and sausages (Uhuhuhuh... he said sausage...). "I know you two have to go to work today, and you can't work on an empty stomach, so that's why me and my parents made this breakfast for you!" Stewart smiled as he handed the two the plates. "Uh, thanks?" Beavis and Butthead only stared at each other. "By the way, who were you talking to? I heard some noises from you like you were talking to somebody..."

"Uh, there's like this chick that likes us and we're going to see her after work?" Butthead lied. "Oh, okay! Congratulations! See you after you talk to your girl!" Stewart then left the duo. "Why the hell do we have to live with him?" Beavis complained. "Because, he's, like, the only person who likes us, dumbass." "Oh yeah, and still, we have work, which sucks!" "Truer words have never been said, Beavis." The duo then laughed.

-1:00 P.M.-

Cassie groaned as she rubbed her side. Of course, she was fine, but she was still hurting a bit after the little incident involving those morons she ran into. "Oh, I have to get my mind off of those idiots..." She then stared up at the sign of a food joint. "Well, I'm starving anyways. Might as well get something to eat before I get home..." And so, she went inside, unaware that she was about to start quite an uproar...

Inside, Cassie was greeted with the smell of frying grease. She made an ugly face due to the smell and scowled due to the fact that her view of the line was currently obscured by a morbidly obese person. 'He smells like something that died...' The girl only shook her head as she waited... And waited... And waited...

When it was the fat person's turn... "Uh, can I, like, take your order?" Cassie's eyes widened. 'No way. No way. No. Fucking. Way.' It can't be him. It has to be another guy. It's just in my head.' She clenched her head and shook it, hoping to clear out what she was hoping was a delusion. As the fat guy left, Cassie would finally come face to face with the person working here.

"Uh, welcome to Burger World, can I like..." Butthead's eyes widened as he noticed who was in front of him. "...take your order?" Cassie and Butthead just stared at each other for a while. Cassie then formed a scowl as she placed her order. "Alright, I'll have a Quarter-Pound World Burger with Cheese, hold the mayo, and a Chocolate Shake!" "Uh, you want some fries with that?" Butthead's stupor continued. "Sure, why not?." Cassie then stormed off to the side, casting glares at Butthead.

Butthead slowly walked up to Beavis. "Uh, one Quarter-Pound World Burger with Cheese, one Chocolate Shake, and some fries." Beavis noticed Butthead's uneasiness. "What's wrong with you? Too much work?" "No, remember that Cassie chick?" "Oh yeah, why?" "She's here, dillweed!" Beavis' eyes widen. "Oh."

And soon, the duo were able to finish the order. "One Quarter-Pound World Burger with Cheese, one Chocolate Shake and one French Fry." Cassie heard the claim and picked up her order, but not before leaning in close to Butthead's face. "I'll see you and your idiot friend in the back after work." She whispered loudly in his face. Butthead got the memo and nodded.

And so, Cassie left with her order and the duo's work day continued as normal...

-6:00 P.M.-

Beavis and Butthead were scrounging for scraps in the garbage compact to scavenge. "Hey, Beavis, check it out, chicken sandwich!" Butthead laughed as he ate a fried chicken sandwich that somebody threw out. "Cool!" Beavis scattered around before noticing something. "Dead mouse!" He then held a mouse corpse by the tail. "Cool! Eat it, dude!" "No way, Butthead!"

They heard someone clear their throat.

The two turned to see Cassie, arms folded. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry I interrupted your little game, but I just wanted to talk to you..." Her glare hardened. Beavis and Butthead dropped their scraps and sweated. "Uh, about what?" "About the little accident your friend over there had with me..." She then pointed at Beavis. "Damnit, it was an accident! It won't happen again!" "Sure. Anyways, please tell me a little about yourselves. There has to be a reason you two turned out so... you..."

Butthead and Beavis saw their chance and cleared their throats. "Well, baby. I'm Butthead, and uh, this is Beavis!" "How are you doing? Ermheheheh!" Cassie rolled her eyes. "Oh great, Butthead? What idiot gave you that name?" Butthead then looked at Beavis for a moment. "Uh, I dunno, uhuhuhuh!" As Butthead was laughing, he unknowingly got a bit of spit on Cassie, thanks to his braces. She wiped her face in irritation. "You know, if you could drool less, you might actually be pleasant company..."

"So, me and Beavis, like, lived in a house. There was this hot chick that kicked us out of our house and now we're living with a wuss!" Cassie shot the two a look that clearly screamed 'Are you kidding me?'. "I'm not gonna lie. It's either talk to you two or the wall here. It's a tough choice..." "Erm, but we're cool! Because we, like, listen to cool stuff, watch porn, and do other stuff! Ermheheheh!" Beavis added. Cassie facepalmed in response. "Oh. My. Fucking. God..."

"So, uh, Cassie? Tell us about yourself." Butthead requested. To which Cassie gladly answered. "Well, for starters, I'm not a dirty sleazebag like a certain pair of reckless morons." "Uh, okay?" Butthead and Beavis simply stared, having no clue what she meant. "I do play a bit of basketball in my spare time, and I just got a license for taxi driving, but that doesn't mean I'm picking you dimwits up to work tomorrow." "Erm, that's okay!" "Besides, taxis suck. You have to, like, pay to get a ride." A vein popped over Cassie's head. "Well, where the hell do you think I get my own money from?"

Cassie then shook her head. "So, it's been..." She grit her teeth, struggling to get something out. "...nice meeting you Beavis and..." Cassie cringed at the thought of saying the name. "Butthead..." The girl turned to leave. "WAIT!" She turned her head around. "Erm, you're still not mad about us kicking your ass, right?" Beavis gave a genuine smile, even if it was a bit crooked due to guilt. "Uh, yeah. We're like, sorry..." Butthead added, hoping to make things up. 

Cassie only rolled her eyes in response. "Alright, alright, I can tell you wanna bury the hatchet. Sheesh! I can take a hint. I'm not some harpy gargoyle thingamajig." She then thought of something in hopes of getting the two off her back. "I'll tell ya what? Meet me at the park tomorrow night and we'll spend some time together." Cassie scoffed as she turned again, walking quickly.

Beavis and Butthead stared at each other. "YES!" The two chanted Iron Maiden as they went their own way.


End file.
